On bullying (I)

                                                                                             “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.

What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us”

– Herman Hesse

Recently, I’ve been reflection on bullying.

It is only of very recent date (less than I year) that I realized that I’ve been bullied at school. It’s a perfect illustration of the fact that if one doesn’t know “the name” or “the label” of something, it might pass by as being normal in a way, socially accepted. That is why knowledge is power! And why education is essential!

Now, most commonly, one would find bullying related to pre-teen and teen behavior. But it just doesn’t end here (nor does it start there).

Let’s just define bullying for a start. My American heritage dictionary informs me that a bully is 1. A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. 2. A hired ruffian; a thug. 3. A pimp. 4. Archaic. A fine person. 5. Archaic. A sweetheart. –bul·ly v. bul·lied, bul·ly·ing, bul·lies.
It’s interesting to note the old positive meaning of the word and its meaning evolution to nowadays!!

The definition of bullying is broader than expected: it is definitely related to power relations between any two persons, but it is not limited to a certain age or status…

Therefore:

Bullying is when you laugh of your friend’s idea/dream. Bullying is when you say: you can’t do that! … because you are not good enough/smart enough/rich enough etc…

Bullying is when you are intimidating (through different means) your colleagues or employees at work. or just any other people you meet throughout the day.

Bullying is when you just think/believe that you are superior to other people and thus act accordingly.

Bullying is when you give advice to people (even though u weren’t asked) because u think that you know best.

Bullying is when you think that you know the truth and that is belongs just to you!

Bullying is when you feel that you need to demonstrate your powers (when you actually show how weak you really are).

Bullying is when you invalidate somebody with the attitude: “I thought you knew better…” or “I didn’t expect this of you … ”

Bullying is not letting the other person be who she/he really is. Bullying is judging.

Bullying is saying: just because you didn’t spend “n” years in school or you don’t own a certain diploma or a certain amounts of goods and objects, that means that you are a failure and that your life is ruined …

Bullying is not giving space, or time, or love. Bullying is just stealing energy from the other because you get to feed your superiority complex, your ego, your sense of power. Bullying is feeding on other people’s energy because you are too weak to find it within…

The aggression doesn’t have to be physical, or even direct. It could have an emotional nature, emerging quite subtly so that you can barely tell what it actually is …

But when you do realize that it is there, you realize you’ve done it yourself! It becomes obvious and disturbing only when it is part of you!

This is my revelation really: I’ve been bullied for so long that I thought that it was normal, the thing to do! Therefore, I was acting accordingly, until it recently blew up in my face!

The recent story goes like this: I personally don’t like it when people talk  (especially private affairs) on their mobile  phones  in public buses and trams. Last week I had to really pick up  a phone while being in a bus. In the middle of my conversation I realized that a couple of ladies were verbally and openly criticizing me for doing it. They were quite some bullies! They were making nasty comments about my years of “education”.  I felt quite embarrassed and left the bus as fast as I could.  It didn’t take me long before I realized that the situation occurred because it is so much a part of me! That I am just this type of a bully as they are, even though I don’t verbalize it. It left me thinking about what is it that I don’t allow myself to be or to do?

In conclusion, I realized that “integrity” is a practice. It means aligning your thoughts, words and actions. What does it have to do with bullying? Well, quite a lot because bullying is what you do when you lose your integrity.

Therefore, a friend of mine sent me this message today, which goes so perfectly well with my reflections. It is posted by Spirit Science here:

 

the_four_agreements

 

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